Chuck Norris Jokes

Oh Chuck Norris Jokes...how we love you

My fav's are in purple :)

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Now that we have THAT out of the way, I'll tell you a little about what's happening in the "fascinating" life of Kristin and Nick

On Saturday we took our pre-wedding pictures and boy it was WIIINDY! My hair was flying, my veil was flying, and my wedding dress was doing a very weak attempt at Marilyn Monroe. Nick looked great as usual, and I think overall they went really well! We LOVE our photographer. Her name is Kristi Ellingson and she has done such a great job with our pictures. If you want to see our engagement pictures, and don't have access to facebook, just shoot me an email and I can send it right to you :)

carrottop18@gmail.com

That's pretty much it. This weekend we are looking forward to our Bachelor and Bachelorette parties! Yay!

Kristin

top {five}

Ok, so 3 words...

American Idol is WICKED Awesome!

Paula is on Crack

SO anyway...

Pretty much my family and I love this show. I got Nick hooked on it too :)

Now it's down to only {five} contestants left!

Want to meet them?

Say hi to:

DANNY GOKEY

I was a fan of Danny at the beginning, but now he's just annoying.

Nick thinks the only reason people vote for him is because they feel sorry that his wife died.

true story

*charity case*

I almost kind of like him though (*almost*) because we seem to have the same taste in music

*still a charity case*


MATT GIRAUD
I think people underestimate how good this guy is
Why is he always in the bottom three?
How blind (or deaf...) can America be?
Poor Matt
He always looks so nervous
maybe that's why no one votes for him
Nick: I feel bad for Matt. Let's vote for him next week
*next week*
Me: so are we going to vote for Matt?
Nick: I already voted for him in my mind...
it worked






ALLISON IRAHETA
this girl can SING!
she is a total rocker girl with crazy fake red hair
*unlike mine, which is totally awesome and natural*
She is only 16!
She is also the only girl left...
and she probably won't last very long
the boys have talent this year!




ADAM LAMBERT
dude is a wack job
I don't know why everyone is so in love with him
*including my family*
He's creepy to the MAX
This is the reason why I posted a picture of his eyes COVERED
I can hardly stand to look at him
I had to search through hideous drag queen pictures just to find this decent one
*I kid you not*
and Adam, can you please sing with your tongue IN your mouth from now on?
K thanx :)




KRIS ALLEN
Kris is BY FAR the best this year
Even Nick thinks so
Kimberly totally wants to marry him, but he's already married
and his jaw does crazy things when he hits those high notes
so he's not worth the chase Kim :)
Anyway, he's really good, and really original and NOT CREEPY
like Adam
We almost voted for him this week
cause Nick thought he was rockin
but Nick likes to stick to "head voting"
we'll see if it works

Nick and I realized we will be on our Honeymoon during the finale

BUT you can bet we will make the time to watch it :)

Kristin

I GOT IN!

I got into the DENTAL HYGIENE program!!!!!!

I can't even believe it.
somebody pinch me now...

Here's what happened
about two weeks ago I got my "acceptance" letter
I wasn't accepted
I was an ALTERNATE for the program
I was a little bummed, but I still had the chance to get in
I just kept telling myself that it's ok, at least I didn't completely fail right?
They said that I could be accepted if someone dropped out any time from now till August 24th
I didn't think I could stand waiting that long to see if I got in
well....
I got the call TODAY!
about 30 minutes ago the head of the dental hygiene department called and told me they have an open spot for me if I'm still interested in the program!
I said yes
of course :)

I'm just a LITTLE excited :)

Kristin

10 hours

30 minutes

52 seconds

Mothzilla

grab some munchies and a squishy pillow cause it's STORY TIME!

OK
so it's Saturday night
like midnight on the dot
I'm just about to doze off
it's been a wonderful day
conference is the best right?
but I'm tired. REALLY tired
I'm on the edge of sleep
I'm at the place where crazy things happen
like speaking random nothings to your pillow
or making hand gestures that were meant for your dream
when I hear
*pdddah* *pdddah* (roll your tongue a bit on the d's to get the right sound)
coming from my shutters
(Which happen to be right above my head)
I'm like "What in the noise is that?"
thinking it was nothing but my shudders just making noises
(which shows how much my brain was working)
I thought nothing of it and tried to sleep again
then a huge flying creature smacked me in the face
"AHHHHH!"
I hurried to find the switch on my lamp so that I could see the hideous thing that attacked me
the creature was stupid
as I knew it would be,
and the monstrous thing flew straight to the gleaming light
I quivered in fear
it was the
largest
ugliest
most ferocious
moth-like thing I had ever beheld
I'm not even sure it was a moth
it was too big to be anything close to any moth I had ever seen
it must have been
MOTHZILLA

I knew that until Mothzilla was tranquilized I would never be able to get to sleep
I mean seriously
who wants to try to sleep knowing that THING is on the attack
in YOUR room?!
So I set a trap for the creature
All the while singing
"Kill the Beast!"
of course.
I turned out all the lights in my room so that only the light from the windows was visible
I opened my blinds up wide so that more light would shine through
and I waited
finally Mothzilla emerged from his hiding place
he had spotted my trap and was on his way towards his doom
he landed on the edge of the shutters
"if only he would just move inside the blinds!"
I thought
"then I could snap the blinds shut and Mothzilla would be locked inside.
then I would have peace knowing my face will be safe for the rest of the night"
but almost as if Mothzilla had heard my internal pleadings
he swept away into the darkest parts of my room
This was serious
I turned on my lamp once more
hoping to coax the beast out of his newest hiding place
this time with the idea of smashing the monster to it's death
he came out, but he did the unexpected
he flew right up to my ceiling light and into the bowl surrounding it
"Aha!"
I exclaimed
"I'll burn the beast to death!"
I quickly dashed over and turned on the ceiling light
hoping that Mothzilla would die and I would finally get some sleep
but he was smarter than he looked
he swiftly removed himself
yet, he had been injured
he flew around the room running into the walls and ceiling as if he were drunk
then he went down
I thought maybe it was the end of him, but no
he just really liked my new green blouse
and decided to walk all over it!
In desperation, I threw a pile of clothes at the hideous thing
hoping to capture it beneath the weight
I waited to see if Mothzilla was able to escape
he didn't
I laughed a hearty victorious laugh
I had finally vanquished and captured my foe
I decided that the valiant thing to do was slay the beast and put him out of his misery
I pulled off the heap clothes
he was gone
of course
why had I laughed my victorious laugh for so long?
I had given him the PERFECT chance to get away!
I had to search for him
*one hour later*
eyes drooping
head hanging
body crying out for the comfort of the bed
I finally gave up
I had not seen hide nor hair of Mothzilla for one hour
so with a nervous mind I climbed into bed
hoping Mothzilla wasn't waiting for the opportune moment to attack
if he did attack, I don't know
I was asleep
No one knows where Mothzilla is today
he may be hiding in my favorite jeans just waiting to strike
he may be on his way to your room right now
OR MAYBE he's dead somewhere in my room

I hope it's #2

Kristin

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Isn't that wonderful? I love that quote.
I am someone that used to (and sometimes still do) get easily offended.
I really try to not let the things others say get to me, but it's hard
REALLY hard

Like when someone says:
"You look so cute today!"
and you go to say "thanks!" but they're not talking to you.
They're talking to the gorgeous girl next to you and it's like
oh. kay....
*hides in corner*

or

When people who have a lot seem to rub it in your face.
like, grab you by the hair and rub your face all up in their awesomeness
ouch


I have learned to cherish experiences such as these. Why? Am I crazy? Maybe a little...
But I have really tried to learn to be happy for people
because people NEED people to be happy for them

I am Happy that someone looks SUPER cute
because they really do!
(sometimes I have to tell myself that just because someone complimented someone else, doesn't mean I'm not also cute/talented/well-dressed etc.)

I am Happy that someone has a great life
shouldn't everyone think their life is great?
LIFE is great. (period)

It's easy to look at how great someone else has it and think
"wow, they have it awesome"
when you should look around because your
AWESOME LIFE
is staring you in the face!
because in all honesty I am cute
I have a GREAT life
so do you!

It's hard to just be happy for people and not be offended that they think they are better, or smarter, or superior to you in some way sometimes
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
definitely so true ;)


ok, so before people start freaking out thinking that I hate my life or that I am coveting the lives of others this is NOT TRUE
I just wanted to share how this quote helped me (long ago, when I was a wee girl watching Princess Diaries :) to be truly happy with myself.
When you are happy with yourself
you are happy for others
Take the time to look for the good and happiness that IS in your life

God loves us so much.
Sometimes I get dizzy counting all the ways my Heavenly Father has blessed my life
Like how he has blessed me with a wonderful man just when I needed, but wasn't expecting him
Thanks for all those out there who make my life GREAT
thanks for supporting me and always having my back

love you
Kristin