Let me start by apologizing for my serious neglect to this glorious blog. I have had nothing to do and so much to say, so I guess it's easy to understand why I haven't been able to write in a while. Well, I thought that since none of you care, and yet could have good reason to get mad at me, I would do a comical post for a change. I call it : "Famous People Say the Darndest Things" host: not Bill Cosby
Chris Rock: "You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody," he says. (Not only is "everybody" not an actor, but I'm pretty sure not everyone has kids)
Bono: "People thought that having children would chill me out, [but] it made me more angry." (Sounds like their in good hands...)
Dwight Eisenhower: "The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." (wow. That's deep.)
Jessica Simpson: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea'." (for the sake of Miss Simpson can we stop coming up with easily confused titles for our food products!)
Michael Jackson: "I'm not Jacko, I'm Jackson... 'Wacko Jacko' - Where did that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me, it's not nice." (Isn't honesty the best policy?)
Samuel Goldwyn: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on." (don't even bother trying to figure it out...)
Canadian Prime Minister, Jean Chrétien: "A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven." ("Canada is seperate from the US, because Canadians like to be alone")
Parish Magazine: "We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." (And how is he to recover?)
Basepall Player Pedro Guerrero: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." (Sorry, we forgot to get a mind reading reporter...)
Beyonce Knowles: "Acting is easier and smoother than singing - it's less drama." (I agree. Your singing is way more dramatic than your acting)
Mickey Rivers, baseball player: "Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding." (*His 2nd grade math teacher hangs her head in shame*)
Andre Dawson, former professional baseball player: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." (ok, look up that last word if you are unsure the definition...)
Greg Norman, Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (one two many accidents with stray golf balls)
Cincinnati Times-Star, headline: "Most lies about blondes are false." (I knew it!!)
Ron Fairley, Giants' broadcaster: "Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is." (Wait, how old is he?)
Dizzy Dean, former baseball player:"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." (Did you need an x-ray to figure that out?)
Yes, many of these are quite hilarious. Most of them seem pretty far-fetched, but most lies about famous people are false! Ha ha
Thanks for reading my meaningless rant